


Behind the Glitter

by Lucifuge5



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Community: au_bingo, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-26
Updated: 2011-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:25:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifuge5/pseuds/Lucifuge5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Turnbull writes a letter to a famous magician.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Glitter

**Author's Note:**

> Written in epistolary form for the "Other:Celebrities" prompt for the AU_bingo. In this 'verse, Ray Vecchio never worked at the 2-7. Some dS characters' lives went AU as well.

**January 7**

Dear Ms. Vecchio,

I was lucky enough to win a ticket to the last show for the Chicago portion of your "High Heels and Other Mysteries" tour. Nothing could have prepared me for what turned out to be one of the best nights in my life!

Even though I'm blushing as I write these words, I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you how wonderful it was to see you onstage.

If I could be honest with you, I felt faint during the part of your show when you were dangling above a bed of nails while trying to escape from the confines of a straitjacket. It was so thrilling!

Also, I must confess that I've spent a greater part of my days since then trying to figure out the mechanics of your sleight of hand. How did you turn that pair of glasses into a calzone?

According to your website, you have a two-month engagement in Las Vegas later this year. I'm determined to attend. Of course, my vacation time is dependent on a fellow Constable who has seniority over me. If it were up to him, he would never take vacation. Thankfully, the Inspector makes sure that my colleague adheres to the rules and regulations regarding time off as per the RCMP.

But let me not bore you with irrelevant minutiae about my life. I just wanted to write a few lines about how mesmerized I was by your talents. May you continue to have all the success that a top magician like you deserves.

Respectfully yours,

Constable Renfield Turnbull

P.S.: I forgot to mention that that you dazzled me when you pulled out that rabbit out of your shoe. You've got such tiny feet!

 

 **May 19**

Dear ~~Constable Turnbull~~ Renfield

Sorry for taking so long in replying to your wonderful letter. I was in South America wrapping up my world tour. I like waiting until I'm return home to read all my fanmail.

It always makes me happy to hear that people have enjoyed my magic show. I work hard, practicing for hours most days, to make sure that my shows are as classy and fun as I intend them to be.

I know you'll be disappointed to hear this, but I can't reveal how I was able to wiggle out of the jacket or any of the other tricks.

Breaking the Magician's Oath is a no-no.

As the head of the Las Vegas Chapter of I.B.M (that's the International Brotherhood of Magicians), I must keep my lips taped up. You understand, right?

You were so sweet in you letter that I'm sending you an autographed photo. I hope that you don't get in too much trouble with anyone at work since I'm mailing it to the Canadian Consulate (the sender address in your envelope.)

Write back if you want to, OK? I'm on vacation and there are only so many yellow clothes a girl can buy.

Sincerely,

The Amazing Francesca (Frannie)

P.S.: I've never been to Canada. What is it like? Do you miss not being there? Do you know any magic tricks?

 

 **June 7**

Dear ~~Ms. Vecchio~~ ~~Francesca~~ Frannie,

It was such a marvelous surprise to find your reply to my earlier letter. What a great photo! I've found the perfect frame for it and have placed it next to my _favourite_ portrait of the Queen. Cheeky, I know, but if the Queen doesn't mind, then neither do I.

By the way, while I'm touched by your concern, there was no need to worry. I happen to be the person in charge of mail duties at the Consulate. The Inspector says that it is due to my "nice penmanship". It is true that less and less people write in cursive nowadays. However, I think that I happen to be the one member in the Consulate with enough time to take care of that task.

I was born in Floradale, Ontario, but I lived in Toronto from age 14 on after my mother went back to school to become a chef. Though I've inherited her culinary gifts (a surprising asset in the RCMP), I feel that serving my country and the Queen gives me a greater sense of fulfillment than if I worked at a 5-star restaurant.

Canada is a fantastic country; one with lots of big spaces and such a variety of cultures that it's hard to find a place like it on the entire planet. There is a generosity of spirit that perhaps comes with being in a part of the world that can be unforgiving, particularly in wintertime. The western part of the country is lush with greenery while the cosmopolitan areas are exciting enough to be on the same level as famous cities like L.A., New York City and Berlin.

Of course, life in Chicago is an adventure of its own. There is so much to see and explore. The cuisine alone is truly exhilarating. Plus the winters can be just as harsh as the ones in Canada.

Still, yes, there are times when I feel a surge of homesickness that is a little tough to fight off. Especially during certain celebrations such as Canada Day and Canadian Thanksgiving. Because the dates for those holidays fall so close to their U.S. counterparts.

Feeling curious about magic, I went to the Harold Washington Library shortly after mailing you my earlier letter. It's such a fascinating topic. I've already read _Great Magicians of the 1800s, Abracadabra: History of Magic from the Middle Ages to the Modern Era_ and _The Mystifying Art of Conjuring, Fifth Edition_. The more I find, the more amazed I am of your talent.

I tried to do a few card tricks, from an instructional book I found at a novelty shop, only to fail miserably.

However, I'm good at writing songs. Particularly of the country western variety. Once, I was able to audition one of my songs to Tracy Jenkins herself!

I bid good-bye for now, Frannie. If you don't mind my saying so, I look forward to your next letter.

Sincerely,

 ~~Constable Ren--~~ Renfield

P.S.: How did you get interested in performing magic tricks? Is there a magic trick that scares you even though you really want to do it?

P.P.S.: I've taken the liberty of sending you my most recent photo. If only so you have an idea of who I am.

 

 

 **June 26**

Dear Renfield,

Canada sounds like it's a great place! I must tell Elaine (that's my manager) to book a couple of gigs over there.

Don't be discouraged by your first attempts to do magic tricks, Ren.

Remember when I told you that I practice a lot? I mean, even though you told me that you can cook really good, I'm sure that it took a few tries to perfect your first big entrée, right? I remember that the first time I ever made _cotoletta alla Milanese_ my Ma almost cried.

I don't think I would have ever thought of making a coin disappear if it hadn't been for Maria's tenth birthday.

Ma had hired a clown for Maria's birthday that year but, for one reason or another, the guy canceled two days before the party. Somehow, Ma got some guy called The Great Zambini to do a magic show for us kids.

Maria was confused for the first five minutes (she loved clowns and didn't understand why Zambini wasn't being a goof) and my brother Ray and his friends made a couple of cracks throughout the show. Me? I kept drinking in his performance—which wasn't anything fancy—thinking that I was watching the most amazing thing in the whole world.

From that moment on, I knew I wanted to know _everything_ there was to learn about performing magic tricks.

Life had other plans for me. I married shortly after graduating high school (it didn't end well) and went from one job to another after pushing down the idea of ever being a magician. By the time I was an adult, after—like you—reading as much as I could on illusions, I thought that women could be a great magician's assistants and nothing else. I wasn't going to be anyone's bimbo.

Anyway, one day while looking at an application with the Chicago Police Department (for a civil aide position at the 19th precinct), I found myself almost on the verge of tears. How had I ended up drifting away from what I'd wanted to be back when I was a kid. I put the application on top of my dresser and went out to do some window shopping.

After wandering into one too many shoe stores, I finally made up my mind: I was going to move to Las Vegas and make magic a part of my life somehow.

My family, who is _very_ Italian, was scandalized. I can tell you that it hurt a little to see most of them (except my Ma who told me that she would pray to St. Genesius) think I was crazy to leave everything for whatever vices I'd pick up in Las Vegas.

It wasn't easy, Ren. I was a waitress for a few months before I could even work up the nerve to apply for a magician assistant's job over at the Empire Hotel.

The day I got hired turned to be the luckiest one in my life because I was able to become Mort the Magnificent's apprentice. As my mentor, he gave me encouraging words when I couldn't make cards disappear fast enough and didn't get angry when I told him that no matter what tradition dictated, I wouldn't wear a top hat.

Eventually, I started to get a gig here and there and earn enough magician credits to make it into a few magicians' organizations. I continued to be Mort's assistant until he retired eight years ago.

Yikes, I hadn't meant to go on about this, Ren. I'm sorry.

Oh, and to answer your other question: I've always wanted to do Houdini's famous water trick, but I've yet to build up the nerve to get over my fear of drowning. Plus, no matter what the Maybelline ads might say, no mascara is truly waterproof.

Sincerely,

Frannie

P.S.: Country western? As in 'I rode a horse and killed a man and now I'm sad' country western music? I have to admit that I'm not too familiar with that genre. It's all wonky-tonk and depressing songs. Where's the romance?

P.P.S.: I was sad that you didn't autograph your photo. Also, I don't have anything with the Queen (of England, right? I mean, there's so much royalty these days)'s face on it, but I do have a rare signed photo by Mr. Frank Sinatra. So, I've put your photo next to his. He was a party guy. I _know_ he wouldn't mind sharing shelf space with you.

 

 **July 8**

Dear Frannie,

My admiration for you has grown tenfold after reading your last letter. How much courage it must have taken you for you to follow your dreams!

I've redoubled my efforts as far as perfecting my skills with magic tricks thanks to your encouraging words. Detective Kowalski, my fellow Constable's partner, told me that he thought my prediction skills have sharpened considerably in a month. I was able to predict seven cards out of ten!

Though I'm only somewhat familiar with Italian cuisine, I am a cheese aficionado. Thus, I'm able to say that Italian cheeses are truly delectable. Freshly made burrata with pasta or a green salad with diced taleggio are two of the most delicious plates I've ever had the pleasure to enjoy. Maybe one day I can cook something for you?

I have to admit that your P.S. saddened a little, Frannie. I'm surprised that you are not familiar with the poetry of country western songs. Sure, there are songs that have a ridiculous or humorous slant.

However, there are also songs that speak to the loneliness every human being feels at least once in their lives. And there is a lot of romance and emotion in C&W music. No one can ignore the intense feelings and raw honesty in songs such as "You Had Me from Hello" and "Could I Have this Dance?" Don't forget Ms. Dolly Parton's inimitable classic "I Will Always Love You".

In addition, though it might not seem like it, there are a lot of female C&W singer-songwriters whose songs are empowering. I've been able to burn you a CD with a C&W mix that includes Tracy Jenkin's "Nobody's Girl". A song that, to me, it seems to have been written about you.

My apologies for the short length of this missive, but the Consulate is hosting a semi-formal dinner tonight for some Central American diplomats. The Inspector appointed me with being in charge of the kitchen. Thankfully, the caterer is an old friend of mine who can make the most delicious entrees without much fussing.

Still, duty is duty and I'm a loyal subject to the Queen.

I look forward to hearing what you think about the CD, Frannie.

Sincerely,

Ren

P.S.: My vacation has been approved! I'll be in Las Vegas from September 10 through September 24th. Will be staying at the Palazzo. It would be a great honour, Frannie, if you'd accept my invitation to dinner during one of those nights.

P.P.S.: Oh, Frannie, you're making me blush anew! I have to admit that I thought of signing my photo but it felt a little silly so I refrained from doing so. Also, yes, _my_ Queen is HM Queen Elizabeth II.

 

 **July 16**

Dear Ren,

I'm proud of you for keeping up with the magic tricks. Like I've told you before, it takes plenty of patience and tries to make things look effortless and, well, magical.

And now I feel like I should be the one to apologize, Ren, for thinking so low of C&W music. The songs in that CD you sent me spoke to something in my heart. You were right, by the way, about "Nobody's Girl". I must have listened to that song a million times already. Between you and me, I kinda wish I had known about it seven years ago when I made the decision to move over here.

I liked all of the songs, but I really loved the Kenny Chesney one. It was so romantic!

You know, I was talking to Elaine the other day, trying to work out the schedule for the remainder of the year. Maybe it was your CD or the fact that I've discovered a whole new genre of music to shimmy to, but I couldn't help tell her that I wanted to come up with some western tricks for my fall show. For a moment there, I think I actually stunned her into silence.

Thankfully, Elaine is nothing but practical (which is why she's been my manager since I first got onstage on my own.) It seems that Shania Twain is going to have a series of shows a few weeks before my own show begins. How's that for a coincidence?

We've yet to hear from the Empire's big toupees, but both Elaine and I think they would be stupid to pass on my ideas for my show.

How did the dinner with the Central American people go?

Wow, you're going to be here soon! It's been nice to talk to you through these letters, but I'm sure it'll be even nicer to meet face to face after all these months. Maybe you can tell me some more about C&W music, yeah?

If things go the way I hope they will with the bosses, I'll be almost done creating my new show right before you'll be visiting Las Vegas. This means I'll have more than enough time to spend some time with you.

Bring your deck of cards, OK? I really want to see the prediction trick that had that you performed for that detective.

Sincerely yours,

Frannie.

P.S.: Of course I accept your invitation to dinner, Ren! I can't wait to meet you!

P.P.S.: I hope you're not standing because I have a feeling you might faint after you read this. I performed for Queen Elizabeth about three months before I went to Chicago in my last tour. It's a bit funny, but I had to take lessons the day before on how to address her, how to curtsy, etc. She told me that my show was "spectacular" and that she was "going to try to see all of the seven performances" because she too liked that pair of glasses into a calzone trick. Royalty, eh?


End file.
